NOTE: This is a journal made about a very good friend of mine and it's one who is known primarily for smutfic, specifically the kind that revolves around Sonic the Hedgehog. If somehow anyone reading this is a part of the group that basically treats this like it's a demon that somehow needs to be exorcised from the internet and that the man deserves to be burned at the stake because they dared to write something like this? Not only are you taking something as simple as fanfiction way too seriously but it's best you leave since this is not going to be a post about spewing hatred in any way, shape or form. Also considering they are my best friend, there will be a little bit of bias present as well as the possibility of me getting a bit emotional. I hope you'll all understand.
Also here are the links so that you can send your words of encouragement.
2012, 2013...ish. That was the time when the main seeds for the Aspiring-Creator account were planted. It was around that time I became an avid fanfiction reader who'd consume stories of all types and at quite a regular basis but was also in the midst of some very hard times with life just being a chaotic mess full of stress, anger, frustration and way more, couple that with me closing the book on one long, painful war with trolls on YouTube that, in spite of the good intentions devolved into people saying hurtful shit, looking like fanboys and engaging in awful behavior and funnily enough, in that case it had a bit of a connection to this in that it was based around Sonic the Hedgehog. Around that time, my love for the very character that got me into video games along with Mario grew to a massive degree. After the glorious releases of Unleashed, Colors and Generations, I found myself at a point where I wasn't just back into the games but I became obsessed with them. I downloaded emulators to play the original titles and romhacks fans have made, I did gather a pretty decent amount of merchandise, I watched tons upon tons of videos and of course I indulged in the fanart and fanfiction side and while those two sections I'll admit have been infamous for producing some... questionable individuals, for the most part I had a pretty comfortable time, especially with the smut which yes I indulged in because for one thing, I really don't give a crap about anthropomorphic creatures engaging in that kind of activity since they are in fact fictional, I don't care what shipping a person follows and... look sometimes when you're dealing with some REALLY hard times and you don't really have any other outlets at the times you consume this content? You need a form of release but that's besides the point.
On one particular day I can't quite remember, I was browsing through the M-Rated section of the Sonic catalog as usual and ended up stumbling across a story known as Sonic's Big House Party by an author whose name was Lil Knucklez. Deciding it looked interesting I dived right in and overall what I found was something that while incredibly flawed with grammatical and structural mistakes along with many other faults, was filled to the brim with such a passionate energy that I had personally never seen before in the time that I had spent reading this material. You see, for a long time until that point, I had seen so many stories which I think are alright but it's clear that the author writing them is not only treating it like it's a job more than it is a simple hobby, but they also after awhile really lack the passion to continue on. Plus, as it should be clear from the many posts I've done on some topics, I often refuse to follow works when the author behind it all is overall an assholish, possibly egotistical tool which is unfortunately what I ended up seeing quite a bit. With Knux on the other hand, it was mercifully a very different and not to mention refreshing sort of experience because while again, his story wasn't necessarily the greatest thing I've ever read? Because he didn't treat his audience like the Doom Marine will treat demons and what he wrote actually felt like it had genuine passion and love put into it? I ate it all up and later on when I'd rediscover him? I'd do the same to every other story he had published whether it be his harems featuring Sonic and Shadow or his serious story-driven fics such as Fairy of Darkness, a series that has been mentioned time and time again and was loved by me so much I've so far created the covers for each and EVERY new entry which includes the spin-offs.
And it was after these along with Metro's War for Cluster Prime that I felt the time had come for me to get off my ass and start writing which was something I had been considering for a little while since I do love literature but had always put off due to anxiety and after witnessing the pretentiousness and asshole-like behavior that gets thrown around but once I saw tales like Shadow's Big Harem, Fairy of Darkness and WfCP which were stories ran by authors who did what they loved because they could and didn't give a damn about what others would think, my fears dissipated and eventually it led to my first foray into the written world, Transformers: Downfall of Cybertron which was a prequel to a whole series of planned stories set in my own TF universe and after I got a taste of what it was like writing a more serious tale? I set out to write something lighter, something that was never meant to be taken seriously and would maybe provide stress relief for those who wanted to indulge in it and as such, I was inspired by Knux's works to create a tale called The Sexual Adventures of a Saiyan Prince which was packed with cheesy dialogue, sex and many signs that this is meant to be nothing more than smut that I wanted to have fun with or in other words, it was pretty much like Sonic's Ultimate Harem, one of my personal favorite harem stories that I'd be lying if I said it didn't have legitimate problems, problems that I wanted to point out and in turn put some of my criticism skills or lack thereof to the test. After spending a good couple of minutes composing my thoughts, my first review came out and while it's not perfect, it's still something that nowadays I am proud of. In fact, if it was posted now I'd probably consider it among one of my personal favorites... but that didn't happen. No, this was posted during a time when I was extremely impatient and thus I was expecting a reply almost immediately only to be surprised when I got none. While I was a little miffed, I foolishly thought that maybe because my review was on the first chapter, Knux didn't even get it and that was before I knew how review notifications worked and so I ended up posting it again on the most recent chapter at the time and unfortunately it was here where due to my inexperience with writing coupled with my lack of understanding as to how busy these writers really get (mostly because up until I actually started writing, I had no experience with big time-consuming projects and didn't know what I was doing.) I became extremely irritated.
I became so irritated in fact, I lost my cool and wrote out what I consider to be the absolute WORST piece of critique that I ever did and for those who want to seek it out, feel free to do so but just know that this came from a dark place of mine, a dark, bitter and idiotic place from a guy who just was far too reckless, short-tempered and irritable for their own good and from the sound of their comment had no place trying to push into the realm of critique. It wasn't even a day later when I received a very, VERY angry reply in my inbox by my idol which basically took my level of vitriol and threw it right back at my face with every word stinging just that much more due to it coming from someone I greatly respected and was inspired by. After that, I initially was going to pen an angry response back... but then I decided to just sit back and reflect on what I had wrote and the response that followed which ultimately led to me realizing the horrible mistake that I had made. After which, I came to Knux with a much cooler head, new sense of perspective and humility and apologized for everything that I had done and admitted just how stupid it was and to this day, even though Knux tells me that it's just dust in the wind, I still feel regret for that horrible piece of shit writing I did especially since it was basically the first impression that the author would get and when you screw up a first impression? Don't be surprised if you end up already having burned a bridge that can't be restored and so had Knux not forgiven me for that mistake, I would've totally understood.
But thankfully as you might've guessed, that did not happen and ever since then whether it be helping him get back to his feet to continue work on a fic after the seemingly endless and not to mention needless hate started wearing down on him to helping him with ideas and many more, we had grown to become what I consider to be the best of friends which while I am proud to admit? It's still a little odd considering what I did in the past which is part of the reason why it took so long for me to really consider doing covers and other such gifts for the man as I still felt that I needed to earn that right not just from Knux but from my soul as ever since I wrote the garbage I did, I felt that I had gone against every bit of my core beliefs.
Most of that is what I ended up saying back then on a post I did where I showed off a new avatar for Knux though if you do go on that post, you'll notice it has been edited somewhat. Why is that? Well when you've already put up the full story and just have a few mistakes you feel like fixing, why not reuse it? Anyways, quite a lot has changed since that day and needless to say we've been through quite a bit of experiences both good and bad though unfortunately, it's the latter part that this journal is the subject of. For these past two years, to put it rather bluntly things have been a hectic roller coaster ride and unlike the others, this is that kind of rusted, barely working one that's guaranteed to make you feel like you're going to die and the sharp metal shard that's hanging off one of the edges is just waiting for that moment you get your hand caught on it just so it can give you tetanus. From trolls taking it way too far with their usual attempts to run the guy offline because he dared to make a smutfic and resulting in imitating respected users which included me to him leaving the site and considering himself an asshole to the point he admitted he actually considered suicide, things have not been very good and of course considering how the end of 2017 is just providing wave after wave of kicks to the dick what with idols and good people passing away to suicide and my own experiences with friends in real life going through this? Well let's just say it's because of that, shit like this affects me on a more personal level. Earlier I uploaded a status update
regarding Knux (now known as Lil Soniq) which included a snippet from his ending author's note describing the hell he went through which led to him being offline for several weeks and in a state of misery, a state where he once again is calling himself an asshole, saying this is him paying for sins of the past and that it's his curse.
Which of course, is something that upsets me greatly since as I said, Knux is one of my inspirations, one of the main reasons why I even bothered deciding to write fanfiction in the firstplace and while you can say what you want about the quality of the work and criticize it to hell and back, if you're one of the people who hasn't decided it needs to be taken offline, you at least can't deny this was written with passion and in my case when I interacted with him, he has been nothing short of a joy to speak to. It's like talking to a guy with gears that are always turning, always brimming with ideas and is genuinely grateful and humble. It's why for the longest of times I've defended him from the death threats and people taking things too seriously, the people who for some reason feel that a dude who writes smut is a weirdo who doesn't deserve an account and those that try to stop support from coming on because they don't like the fact someone dared to throw one of their favorite characters into a sex scene with Sonic. It's also why I haven't been overly harsh with him which is both due to a review already existing and the fact that the best story doesn't mean shit if the person behind it is a disrespectful egotistical windbag. These stories to me demonstrate how I feel an author should operate. They don't worry about stigma or whatever pretentious crap is going on, they just aim to make stories they want to make while not being afraid to try and improve. The fact that this is happening at all is truly saddening and while I know whenever I do stuff like this I look like I've given up all hope, keep this in mind.
Not only is he a guy that unfortunately suffers from depression but we live in a world where JewWario took his own life, we live in a world where Chester Bennington did the same, we live in a world where several people big and small suffer with depression and we also have plenty who have lost their battles and considering Knux is a soul I respect and a best friend? I don't want to let him down in any way and so I highly urge a ton of you, even if you aren't big fanfiction guys to go onto his pages at the top and send him all the love and support you can and I'm not just talking through PMs but also through comments and basically anything you can find. Don't even stop at one, send him a lot, show him he's loved, appreciated and that no matter what, he will NEVER be alone. Depression is a fucking cancer, a leech that's thoroughly obsessed with making sure that every aspect of you is demolished, an egotistical monster who will stop at nothing to keep you in its grasp. But you know what it can't stop? Love and inner strength, the two things that have been keeping us going for years are the same things it utterly despises and instead of keeping these beneath the surface? It's time to stand up tall and proud with middle fingers extended, thus letting depression know that like our responses to leeches, no one wants it around and it can fuck right off.
As for Knux if he somehow managed to read all of this? I'm just going to say this straight from the heart.
Knux, in all my years as an author and reader, you are one of the unfortunately very few who I feel comfortable in calling one of the most upstanding and exceptional people that I have ever had the pleasure of speaking to.
From the way you simply speak about upcoming ideas to the thanks you give out and of course the stories themselves, you show such a genuine and infectious passion as well as love for the medium of fanfiction that to this day I can hardly say has been matched by really anyone I've seen so far and before you say anything? That's the truth. While there are a lot of authors out there that are incredibly charming, friendly and passionate? There are still plenty that don't seem to really view this as anything more than just a job and of course, there are those out
there who feel it has to be nothing more than serious dramas with ridiculously complex themes in order to be considered the slightest bit good and that anyone who doesn't follow that will be slammed. You on the other hand are very different and possess the kind of qualities that I wish more authors would have or at least consider looking into
instead of acting like elitist pricks that think they know better than everyone else.
Hell, you're one of the few people I've seen who is not afraid to sit down in front of the audience and get real and not in the fake kind of "Oh please give me sympathy and shower me in love because I'm some sort of god that needs tribute." kind I've seen some authors go into but rather the TRUE kind of real. The fact you're not afraid to call out someone if they're doing things such as trying to force you to do requests, express when you're dealing with something difficult or you're just willing to say "Fuck it." and vent about some frustrations. Granted that's mostly to me from what I've seen but regardless, it's something very nice to see as a guy who genuinely cares for an author's
well-being and also prefers to favorite those who act like people and not robots that are coming off an assembly line. That kind of brutal and raw honesty is a trait I've loved for quite awhile.
But you also sprinkle in kindness which helps contribute to the fact that you are just genuinely one of the most awesome friends and people on this Earth. The fact you basically said "Who cares?" in response to all the questions about your strange ideas before going and doing them anyway was and still is incredibly inspiring which especially shows since people like Kurisu, myself and Kitsune Saiyan have taken to doing harem stories of our own inspired by yours since you helped to show that no idea should be ignored just because it's goofy and with me, you've shown such a willingness to help when people need it with your own inspiring words that can't be ignored. To me Soniq, you're everything a person could want in a friend and while I know you've been through rough times, I just want to let you know that regardless of what people may tell you. You'll ALWAYS have someone who loves you, you'll ALWAYS have someone out there who stands up for you and that the fans and I will never betray you for as long as we live and that even if there's a time where the world seems to be against you and you're growing desperate in your fight, feeling no one's there to help you?
I'-no, WE'LL be there to remind you that you're always loved and that we'll always be by your side since like what you've shown us through your messages about Zamii and more. We should never give up on our friends and if someone's down? We should pick them right back up.